So I'm sure at least five of my posts contain expressions of my bitterness towards a variety of people/places/situations/nouns. Well, good news world - I am bitter no more! Despite the amount of bitterness scattered throughout my blog, I've never really thought of myself as a particularly bitter person. I know bitter people. I love them. They're very funny. Not intentionally, of course, but I often find that quirky, unintentional humour is far more surprisingly entertaining than the Cracker Jack variety. Whatever the heck that means. However, [the] reader[s] of this blog may see me as being particularly bitter because this blog is my medium for the demonstration of any of my emotions apart from happiness. And the reason for that is because I want this blog to be funny. Happiness is fantastic, but it's not funny.
Anyway, back to the actual point of this post (Woah, there's actually a point! [well, only kind of]). Yes, I am officially bitterness-free (by the end of this post, the frequently-used word 'bitter' and all of its affiliates will no longer have any meaning). I am now a free woman. I have seriously gone through an internal revolution and am seeing the world in a new light. This is a new beginning for me. I feel like Hilary Duff after she shed her Lizzie Maguire cocoon and completed her 'Metamorphosis' into a quasi-respectable artist in her own right. I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss the revelation that instigated the elimination of my bitterness. Let's just leave it at I know for certain that some people are good at the core and some are just not, and I've been given information that allows me to distinguish between the two. This may seem like a thing that a bitter person would take pleasure in, but it's actually very liberating. I feel like I can finally go back to being myself - whoever that is (Bob Dylan reference!). And actually I think this is even the perfect opportunity to do a little personal overhaul. My plan of action is to just be better, in any way that I can (except maybe at writing essays - I'm apathetic towards improving myself in that regard. I don't think that mediocrity in essay-writing should be a fatal flaw. [That's probz why my GPA is a solid pretty darn low.]). Long story short, "what a glorious feelin', I'm happy again!"
Okay, so this post wasn't particularly funny. I apologize sincerely. (Right now I'm working under the [probably flawed] assumption that at least one or more of my previous posts were mildly to moderately funny). I'm hoping to get back on the humourous, whining about my life track very shortly. I'm very sorry if this post had any trace of an uplifting message. I know it's awful when other people have an epiphany that leads to happiness and you don't. Please don't be bitter about it.
Betty Botter had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
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