Thursday, January 29, 2009
In Addendum...
Four cow stomachs: the rumen, the reticulum, the omasum and the abomasum. I've known this since I was three. Look it up.
Post Number Twelve - I Need to Get a Hobby
So I took a poll today. Turns out that I am officially the third least interesting person in my entire university, ranking only behind the chick who's writing her thesis on the comparative evolutions of the common rock barnacle (v. boringus) and the speckled beach barnacle (x. mindnumbingus) and the first place winner, the boy who collects paint samples of his favourite colour - taupe. And the fact that he would care about such a thing is probably based on some strange psychological condition of his, which would thus make him interesting. So that makes me the second most boring being on campus. Add to this the fact that I completely made up the barnacle girl and taupe boy, the conclusion can be reached that I am severely uninteresting.
I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm dull, because I see dull and uninteresting as being two different things. If I was dull, I wouldn't wear offensively violently-coloured clothing, which I do, and I wouldn't walk around yelling "THIS ISSS LESLIIIEEE" in my creepy-guy-on-Youtube voice or doing my Nicki-on-Video-on-Trial-Britany-Spears-Impression, which I most certainly do (usually, I do it after every meal, when I have a food baby - GIMME GIMME...). But being legally insane doesn't actually make me interesting. To me, someone who's interesting is a person who has an ability, talent or deep knowledge of something that I don't. Basically, if someone's passionate about something, that makes them interesting. So where does that leave me? What do I like? Well, I like lots of things - guitar, clothing, history, movies, whales, pogs (althought that's really more nostalgia than a current interest), pop rocks, most of my friends, Risk, the Old West, yada yada yada. But am I passionate about anything? Meh. Am I talented? Nope. And I haven't been 'smart' since Grade 8. I mean, sure, I can name the four stomachs of a cow, but that's just useless fact, not knowledge (besides, who can't?). What I really want is to be GOOD at something. And not just 'pretty good,' but the kind of good that makes people go "Sheesh! She's GOOD!" But I kind of already feel that it's too late. Now is the time that I want to be able to show off. I mean, sure, I could sit and practise guitar every day until I'm fifty and become utterly fantastic, but, in the immortal words of the girl who turns into a blueberry in the Gene Wilder version of Willie Wonka, "I want it NOOOW!". I want to be able to impress people with the dazzling abilities that I don't have. But it doesn't matter anyway, because everyone knows that you can't force yourself to be passionate about something. You can like some things more than other things, but when you're passionate, I suspect that you're not in the dark about it. You just know. It's all you can think about. And of course, I'm assuming all of this, because I'm passionate about nada.
I enjoy a lot of things, but I have yet to come across anything that I like enough that it's always on my mind. And that I'm darn good at. I'm not going to lie, I've developed an unlikely and fairly impressive hula-hoop ability, but that's a party trick, not a passion. And besides, there's not really enough room to hula-hoop in rez rooms anyway. I mean, heck, even Science Wing Kids have their uncanny Dungeons and Dragons/Manga-drawing skills. And while these skills may not impress the general population, they at least impress other SWKs, which is better than I'm doing.
The other problem is that I'm a phony. I've never had to spell phony before and it looks kind of weird and possibly incorrect. Nevertheless, it's true. I mean, does anyone really know who they are, internal window to the soul, blah, blah, we get it, everyone feels that, now move on. But I feel like I've lived a sheltered-ish sort of life. Which has definitely had a positive effect on my health and psychological well-being. But *DEEP ALERT! DEEP ALERT!* I feel like I'm not real. And in this case, I mean italics-real, not lost-in-the-cosmos real. It just seems to me that if I ever do find that I'm interested in something, what is my first reaction? Woogle. That right there was a fusion of Wiki and Google. So I insta-Woogle anything that I'm interested in. And I kind of feel like that's cheating. Take, for example, the blues. That there is my fave genre of music. I want to know more about its history. What do I do? Woogle. But isn't that a contradiction, because the blues at its core is about the oral tradition, passing stories, lessons and information from one generation to the next through song. I doubt that I just expressed my feelings very well, but to me, using the modern to learn about the timeless makes me feel like a fraud. That was beautiful and emo.
So, long story short, I'm an uninteresting, untalented, unintelligent, woogling phony. I'll be sure to let you know if this changes.
Wow. I am so sorry that this is so long. If you made it to the end, you officially win the game (yeah, I have the power to do that. No big.).
I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm dull, because I see dull and uninteresting as being two different things. If I was dull, I wouldn't wear offensively violently-coloured clothing, which I do, and I wouldn't walk around yelling "THIS ISSS LESLIIIEEE" in my creepy-guy-on-Youtube voice or doing my Nicki-on-Video-on-Trial-Britany-Spears-Impression, which I most certainly do (usually, I do it after every meal, when I have a food baby - GIMME GIMME...). But being legally insane doesn't actually make me interesting. To me, someone who's interesting is a person who has an ability, talent or deep knowledge of something that I don't. Basically, if someone's passionate about something, that makes them interesting. So where does that leave me? What do I like? Well, I like lots of things - guitar, clothing, history, movies, whales, pogs (althought that's really more nostalgia than a current interest), pop rocks, most of my friends, Risk, the Old West, yada yada yada. But am I passionate about anything? Meh. Am I talented? Nope. And I haven't been 'smart' since Grade 8. I mean, sure, I can name the four stomachs of a cow, but that's just useless fact, not knowledge (besides, who can't?). What I really want is to be GOOD at something. And not just 'pretty good,' but the kind of good that makes people go "Sheesh! She's GOOD!" But I kind of already feel that it's too late. Now is the time that I want to be able to show off. I mean, sure, I could sit and practise guitar every day until I'm fifty and become utterly fantastic, but, in the immortal words of the girl who turns into a blueberry in the Gene Wilder version of Willie Wonka, "I want it NOOOW!". I want to be able to impress people with the dazzling abilities that I don't have. But it doesn't matter anyway, because everyone knows that you can't force yourself to be passionate about something. You can like some things more than other things, but when you're passionate, I suspect that you're not in the dark about it. You just know. It's all you can think about. And of course, I'm assuming all of this, because I'm passionate about nada.
I enjoy a lot of things, but I have yet to come across anything that I like enough that it's always on my mind. And that I'm darn good at. I'm not going to lie, I've developed an unlikely and fairly impressive hula-hoop ability, but that's a party trick, not a passion. And besides, there's not really enough room to hula-hoop in rez rooms anyway. I mean, heck, even Science Wing Kids have their uncanny Dungeons and Dragons/Manga-drawing skills. And while these skills may not impress the general population, they at least impress other SWKs, which is better than I'm doing.
The other problem is that I'm a phony. I've never had to spell phony before and it looks kind of weird and possibly incorrect. Nevertheless, it's true. I mean, does anyone really know who they are, internal window to the soul, blah, blah, we get it, everyone feels that, now move on. But I feel like I've lived a sheltered-ish sort of life. Which has definitely had a positive effect on my health and psychological well-being. But *DEEP ALERT! DEEP ALERT!* I feel like I'm not real. And in this case, I mean italics-real, not lost-in-the-cosmos real. It just seems to me that if I ever do find that I'm interested in something, what is my first reaction? Woogle. That right there was a fusion of Wiki and Google. So I insta-Woogle anything that I'm interested in. And I kind of feel like that's cheating. Take, for example, the blues. That there is my fave genre of music. I want to know more about its history. What do I do? Woogle. But isn't that a contradiction, because the blues at its core is about the oral tradition, passing stories, lessons and information from one generation to the next through song. I doubt that I just expressed my feelings very well, but to me, using the modern to learn about the timeless makes me feel like a fraud. That was beautiful and emo.
So, long story short, I'm an uninteresting, untalented, unintelligent, woogling phony. I'll be sure to let you know if this changes.
Wow. I am so sorry that this is so long. If you made it to the end, you officially win the game (yeah, I have the power to do that. No big.).
Monday, January 19, 2009
Post Number Eleven - I Opened a Can of Bitter-B-Gone...And it Was Tasty
So I'm sure at least five of my posts contain expressions of my bitterness towards a variety of people/places/situations/nouns. Well, good news world - I am bitter no more! Despite the amount of bitterness scattered throughout my blog, I've never really thought of myself as a particularly bitter person. I know bitter people. I love them. They're very funny. Not intentionally, of course, but I often find that quirky, unintentional humour is far more surprisingly entertaining than the Cracker Jack variety. Whatever the heck that means. However, [the] reader[s] of this blog may see me as being particularly bitter because this blog is my medium for the demonstration of any of my emotions apart from happiness. And the reason for that is because I want this blog to be funny. Happiness is fantastic, but it's not funny.
Anyway, back to the actual point of this post (Woah, there's actually a point! [well, only kind of]). Yes, I am officially bitterness-free (by the end of this post, the frequently-used word 'bitter' and all of its affiliates will no longer have any meaning). I am now a free woman. I have seriously gone through an internal revolution and am seeing the world in a new light. This is a new beginning for me. I feel like Hilary Duff after she shed her Lizzie Maguire cocoon and completed her 'Metamorphosis' into a quasi-respectable artist in her own right. I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss the revelation that instigated the elimination of my bitterness. Let's just leave it at I know for certain that some people are good at the core and some are just not, and I've been given information that allows me to distinguish between the two. This may seem like a thing that a bitter person would take pleasure in, but it's actually very liberating. I feel like I can finally go back to being myself - whoever that is (Bob Dylan reference!). And actually I think this is even the perfect opportunity to do a little personal overhaul. My plan of action is to just be better, in any way that I can (except maybe at writing essays - I'm apathetic towards improving myself in that regard. I don't think that mediocrity in essay-writing should be a fatal flaw. [That's probz why my GPA is a solid pretty darn low.]). Long story short, "what a glorious feelin', I'm happy again!"
Okay, so this post wasn't particularly funny. I apologize sincerely. (Right now I'm working under the [probably flawed] assumption that at least one or more of my previous posts were mildly to moderately funny). I'm hoping to get back on the humourous, whining about my life track very shortly. I'm very sorry if this post had any trace of an uplifting message. I know it's awful when other people have an epiphany that leads to happiness and you don't. Please don't be bitter about it.
Betty Botter had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
Anyway, back to the actual point of this post (Woah, there's actually a point! [well, only kind of]). Yes, I am officially bitterness-free (by the end of this post, the frequently-used word 'bitter' and all of its affiliates will no longer have any meaning). I am now a free woman. I have seriously gone through an internal revolution and am seeing the world in a new light. This is a new beginning for me. I feel like Hilary Duff after she shed her Lizzie Maguire cocoon and completed her 'Metamorphosis' into a quasi-respectable artist in her own right. I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss the revelation that instigated the elimination of my bitterness. Let's just leave it at I know for certain that some people are good at the core and some are just not, and I've been given information that allows me to distinguish between the two. This may seem like a thing that a bitter person would take pleasure in, but it's actually very liberating. I feel like I can finally go back to being myself - whoever that is (Bob Dylan reference!). And actually I think this is even the perfect opportunity to do a little personal overhaul. My plan of action is to just be better, in any way that I can (except maybe at writing essays - I'm apathetic towards improving myself in that regard. I don't think that mediocrity in essay-writing should be a fatal flaw. [That's probz why my GPA is a solid pretty darn low.]). Long story short, "what a glorious feelin', I'm happy again!"
Okay, so this post wasn't particularly funny. I apologize sincerely. (Right now I'm working under the [probably flawed] assumption that at least one or more of my previous posts were mildly to moderately funny). I'm hoping to get back on the humourous, whining about my life track very shortly. I'm very sorry if this post had any trace of an uplifting message. I know it's awful when other people have an epiphany that leads to happiness and you don't. Please don't be bitter about it.
Betty Botter had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
To Mickie, Love Blog
Dear Mickie,
You are a beautiful, strong, independent and incredibly charming woman. How could I possibly stay mad at you?
I forgive you.
Love,
Blog <3
P.S. The answer is yes.
You are a beautiful, strong, independent and incredibly charming woman. How could I possibly stay mad at you?
I forgive you.
Love,
Blog <3
P.S. The answer is yes.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Post Number Ten - So, How About That Local Sports Team...?
Dear Blog,
I know it's been a long time since I've communicated with you. And believe me, I feel awful about it. I could give you my list of excuses: I was really busy studying for exams; I spent a lot of time at Christmas with my family; nothing exciting enough to blog about happened to me; I got HBO. But these are, like I said, just excuses. The truth is, I've gotten slack in my side of the relationship. Well, that just won't do, Blog. You're better than that and we both know it. Please, Blog, please forgive me! I would despair to think that things have become cold and awkward between us! I couldn't bear to have to go back to simply making small talk with you - you with whom I've shared my deepest feelings, stupidest moments and bitterest (real word?) actions. There are only a handful of real people who know me as well as you do, Blog. And, to tell you the truth, my relationship with you has lasted longer than any relationship that I've had with a real guy. But you knew that already, didn't you? Blog, rest assured that I intend to devote more time to you in the weeks and months ahead! I won't lie to you, there may be lapses in the time that I spend with you, but I promise, I'll work on it! Blog, you mean so much to me, and I hope that you feel the same. After all, no one real has the patience to listen to me, and it's highly unlikely that anyone actually reads you. We're all that each other has! And Blog, did you really think that I would leave you hanging like that? That I would just quit you cold turkey? Never! I have more class than that! If I was going to leave you, I would show you the respect you deserve by telling you the truth, face to monitor! I would never, ever, tell you over msn, just like I wouldn't trick you into starting a relationship with me!! (Whoa, did I just go there? Yes I did.) Because I do respect you, Blog, and I am not a coward! To conclude, Blog, I would once again like to beg your forgiveness and to reaffirm my committment to you. Blog, I have a serious question that I would like to ask you: Will you go steady with me?
I know it's been a long time since I've communicated with you. And believe me, I feel awful about it. I could give you my list of excuses: I was really busy studying for exams; I spent a lot of time at Christmas with my family; nothing exciting enough to blog about happened to me; I got HBO. But these are, like I said, just excuses. The truth is, I've gotten slack in my side of the relationship. Well, that just won't do, Blog. You're better than that and we both know it. Please, Blog, please forgive me! I would despair to think that things have become cold and awkward between us! I couldn't bear to have to go back to simply making small talk with you - you with whom I've shared my deepest feelings, stupidest moments and bitterest (real word?) actions. There are only a handful of real people who know me as well as you do, Blog. And, to tell you the truth, my relationship with you has lasted longer than any relationship that I've had with a real guy. But you knew that already, didn't you? Blog, rest assured that I intend to devote more time to you in the weeks and months ahead! I won't lie to you, there may be lapses in the time that I spend with you, but I promise, I'll work on it! Blog, you mean so much to me, and I hope that you feel the same. After all, no one real has the patience to listen to me, and it's highly unlikely that anyone actually reads you. We're all that each other has! And Blog, did you really think that I would leave you hanging like that? That I would just quit you cold turkey? Never! I have more class than that! If I was going to leave you, I would show you the respect you deserve by telling you the truth, face to monitor! I would never, ever, tell you over msn, just like I wouldn't trick you into starting a relationship with me!! (Whoa, did I just go there? Yes I did.) Because I do respect you, Blog, and I am not a coward! To conclude, Blog, I would once again like to beg your forgiveness and to reaffirm my committment to you. Blog, I have a serious question that I would like to ask you: Will you go steady with me?
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